i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
