I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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