CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
