he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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