Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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