I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
