id be glad to
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
