i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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