I wish I only lived at night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
