I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
