that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
