I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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