When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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