So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
