Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
