This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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