Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
