We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
