twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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