I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize