Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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