What a fucking waste of an outfit
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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