I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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