My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
COCAINE IS GR8
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
