Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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