I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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