god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
