Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
