Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's the barista slut.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
