the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
