thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
