can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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