Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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