her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
