I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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