I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
