Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
