i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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