he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
