Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
