my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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