K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
