He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
