i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
