we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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