ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is wine microwaveable?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
