bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
