I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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