The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize