i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Drunk is not a location!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
