i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
