i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
