it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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