The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
