): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
