when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
