An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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