i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
