Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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