I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
