he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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