i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
