Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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