life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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