dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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