I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
