question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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