just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
