People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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